The moment she appeared, I knew he was going to leave me.
I had been struggling for a while, trying to find my way through the land. Everything was vague, shapeless, greyish-white, like a cloudy sky. A barren path stretched ahead, leading to a bleak, brown valley that was empty of all vegetation. I stumbled ahead, not knowing what I was doing or why.
I stopped for a rest near an ancient waterhole where dried mud formed tiny, irregular structures like dwellings for invisible creatures. Exhausted and thirsty, I stared at the sandy cliffs all around, dreaming of glistening water trickling out of their cracks like strings of pearls. There was nothing here to trigger any memory or desire. I felt desolate, aimless as a desert.
Then he appeared in a khaki shirt and jeans, with a warm smile, like a friendly hunter. Gently he helped me rise and keep walking, toward a destination only he knew and loved. We walked in silence, side by side, content with each other’s company. Somehow I knew I could trust him, that he would look after me until this journey’s end. That sense of confidence radiating from him both relaxed and comforted me.
I did as he guided me, leaping across pools of quicksand, stepping over rocks and tree stumps where menacing ants and scorpions could be lurking with their poison. I learned to listen to the wind, how it whispered and moaned, trying to lure me away from daylight. One step away from this precious path and I would be lost in the sorrowful mist, robbed of his soundless song directing me to move forward, disconnected from reality where he stood tall and proud. One wrong move and I would lose him forever, the light of my life, the hope in my Pandora’s box, my siren’s call. We walked on cautiously.
For the first time there was purpose in my life, a reason for me to exist, to become meaningful. Yet, despite my need to have him as a companion, a compass, she came…
And I knew, from that moment on, that he would abandon me. Here would be a new protagonist and the possibility of a new story. My twists and turns would become hers as his focus shifted to her. And there was nothing I could do, apart from waiting patiently for him to come back. This story of mine that I so very much wanted to share with him would be postponed and shoved into a dark drawer at the bottom of his desk…
When my plot would again see the light of day, I did not know. As he left with her, I paused right here, right now, on this path that once commenced somewhere but had no foreseeable end. I froze in time and space, in despair, facing an unknown future. Farewell, My Love… I sighed, slowly resuming my role as a distant idea, a muse that was never engaged, a literary inspiration that came and gone.
Image thanks to: Muse series: Clio 2, by Reylia.
Voices under the Sun 陽光下的聲音 